Evelyn, I see this turning into a movement. Opt Out buttons and tees worn proudly by women in global Opt Out marches and protests, women who are choosing to spend their time and money on creativity, passions, friendships, relationships. I think a critical mass of women opting out will have the power to change the next generation entirely, modeling what’s possible for future lives. Giving women the power of choice. It’s insane how so much of society still makes it feel like women don’t have that choice!
That is so kind! Haha. And I agree, it about that ability to choose. I work in disability and one of the phrases we bandy around a lot is ‘choice and control’ - as in a fundamental way to protect someone’s human rights and autonomy is to allow them choice and control over how they live. And I want that for all people.
God, this was a brilliant read, Evelyn. I've ditched nearly all of it over the years as well, and i don't miss it AT ALL. Turns out, faces are just cool all by themselves. Especially now, when all the celebrities are beginning to look the same and can't make micro expressions- I'm so drawn to wrinkles and asymmetry and imperfect teeth. Cheering for you and your awesome face all the way across the sea!
Me too Kendall! I’m so sad to see the skeletal and plastic that passes for beautiful at the moment. I just about remember to put on some moisturiser in the morning 😊💛
Thank you! I also have started to appreciate the wrinkled face. I think it just looks so much cooler. It’s so nice to not think about it all so much honestly. And I’m glad that I worked it out now, so I can make the most of the coming years not worrying about all the bs.
The “year to streamline” line is the whole argument! Most skincare reviews get written within 7 days of unboxing. The bathroom cabinet keeps filling because nothing ever gets long enough to fail — and the system needs it that way. We’re sold reviews as evidence in the same breath we’re sold the products. Same scam, different shelf.
There is so much excellence in this piece that I don't know where to begin or what to highlight. Damn.
Thank you Evelyn. I loved every word but the beginning where you list what you like about being a woman is wonderful and I feel the same.
You are very wise for your young years. Please keep shouting this message from the rooftops and I can't wait for you to write about your foray into botox!
Thank you so much! I feel that it’s important to celebrate the good stuff, especially when we wade into the battle of unequal bs. I will - one of my favourite things about being a woman is speaking frankly about my experience. I will be sharing shortly :)
This is gold, E. Thank you for shining a light on Girl Tax and for saying that it’s actually bullshit. I’ve never been a proper “lady” I don’t do my eye brows or lashes, and I cut my own hair. I do wear eyeshadow and blush, but not because I feel hideous w/o!
Plz return with your Botox thoughts, and all your thoughts. We love em & need em.
Hahaha, I’m so glad to hear it! I also love blush, and decided to whip out the mint green eyeshadow today just for variety. Sometimes I like to use bright colours in the way some animals do to signal that I’m potentially venomous haha. And girl tax is bs! Down with girl tax! I will be sharing shortly, but a little sneak peak - no bueno. Haha. Thank you for reading!
Evelyn, I love this (Kimberly Warner restacked - she’s the goddess of the perfect quote restack) and every word is brilliant. I gave up all my expensive makeups when covid arrived and no longer feel I must wash my hair every day - twice a week or maybe three times, and dry shampoo all the way (also would need prying from my cold dead hands!!) I am jealous of my best friend who is a year younger and has more grey hair than I do - and all my lovely wrinkles tell the stories of my life.
A huge shout out to Kimberly for that! It’s definitely important to find what works for you and stick to that. I also have fried 5 years younger than me who has fabulous grey hair and I’m so jealous! I definitely look forward to all the ways my face and body will change as I age.
Ka-BLAM!!!! 🔥🤩🔥 I love this piece so hard!!! Not just for the writing and the subject but especially for you!!! 🥰
I think this is one of the greatest rarely celebrated silver linings from my brain injuries and their subsequent destitution. I had to find a way to be this international traveling, stage performing monkey in an uber-femme, uber-glitz profession (belly dance), with almost no budget. That meant everything unnecessary had to go, and the word “necessary” had to change.
As I result…I stopped buying in even the little amount I had caved, out of pure, desperate—yup. Necessity. Then it became preference, for everrrry reason you listed here. I love this piece!!!!! Congrats on your freedom!
Thank you! I think it’s so important that we all interrogate that word necessity when it comes to this stuff - cause sometimes it just ain’t so. It’s a strange freedom, but I’m glad you found some piece with it. I was a child dancer and I remember the hair and the makeup and the body dysmorphia acutely, it’s really something else.
Ohhhh absolutely!!! My cousin grew up in the competition circuit, and that’s what she does for a living now—teach it. Her relationship to brand names, hair & makeup, show face 24-7, public image is very different from mine. I have never envied her all that constant pressure. So glad you escaped it!!! 🥰🥰🥰
You’re so smart and sassy! And you don’t need any products or poisons or potions to make you beautiful. You are innately and wholly beautiful — and you’re quite the looker too hehehe :)
This was fantastic. I read it twice, once to feel it out, and once to identify my favorite parts.
“We are sold insecurities and their cures in the same breath.”
What a line! It nails the economic imperative of it all: those ridiculous beauty standards fuel a booming industry. It makes too much sense, but it hasn’t always been to me.
Running errands with friends a few Christmases back, we visited Ulta, this makeup store, and it was like visiting the zoo for the first time. I kept asking questions, kept finding new curios, kept shoving my eyeballs back in when they popped out over the prices of items labeled essentials that I hadn’t known existed until I was 37. And this was a daily concern for the women I know best. Wild!
“So, if you feel good wearing the makeup and doing your hair and getting the treatments – then DO IT. I will happily fight for your right to do so. But, if you’re only doing it because you feel pressure to do so, because you fear you’ll fail the test if you don’t – then please, put down the fake tan and breathe easy knowing that you do not have to do it.”
Landing things here really sealed it up beautifully. I admire the effort and artistry it takes to do makeup. I know women who legitimately enjoy all the things you (justifiably!) loathe. But the objection you raise feels more focused on your obligation toward them—an obligation that doesn’t serve you. We all internalize so much from the SOCIETY and CULTURE around us that it’s hard sometimes to separate our desires from those imposed on us. I love that you took an intentional look at what you used, identified the shampoo, sunscreen, and haircut schedule that suit you, and pushed aside the rest.
I’m outside Woman World, but that reevaluation strikes me as a healthy and affordable cleanse every person can pursue without taking out a second mortgage for skin cream.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. And you nailed it. It’s absolutely about the obligation. I really don’t care what anyone does, and I continue to play the game in various ways, but I want people to be free to do so joyfully following their hearts desire and not the pressure of culture/society.
I took Michael into one of those stores once and he was also blown away. And it’s good to get that outside perspective, it really opens my eyes to all the world!
With another couple days to think about it, I continue to think about this. The inertia of HOW THINGS ARE is so strong; it’s so satisfying to read you pick apart why HOW THINGS ARE doesn’t hold up to scrutiny.
Evelyn, I see this turning into a movement. Opt Out buttons and tees worn proudly by women in global Opt Out marches and protests, women who are choosing to spend their time and money on creativity, passions, friendships, relationships. I think a critical mass of women opting out will have the power to change the next generation entirely, modeling what’s possible for future lives. Giving women the power of choice. It’s insane how so much of society still makes it feel like women don’t have that choice!
That is so kind! Haha. And I agree, it about that ability to choose. I work in disability and one of the phrases we bandy around a lot is ‘choice and control’ - as in a fundamental way to protect someone’s human rights and autonomy is to allow them choice and control over how they live. And I want that for all people.
God, this was a brilliant read, Evelyn. I've ditched nearly all of it over the years as well, and i don't miss it AT ALL. Turns out, faces are just cool all by themselves. Especially now, when all the celebrities are beginning to look the same and can't make micro expressions- I'm so drawn to wrinkles and asymmetry and imperfect teeth. Cheering for you and your awesome face all the way across the sea!
Me too Kendall! I’m so sad to see the skeletal and plastic that passes for beautiful at the moment. I just about remember to put on some moisturiser in the morning 😊💛
It’s truly worrying that’s for sure.
Thank you! I also have started to appreciate the wrinkled face. I think it just looks so much cooler. It’s so nice to not think about it all so much honestly. And I’m glad that I worked it out now, so I can make the most of the coming years not worrying about all the bs.
The “year to streamline” line is the whole argument! Most skincare reviews get written within 7 days of unboxing. The bathroom cabinet keeps filling because nothing ever gets long enough to fail — and the system needs it that way. We’re sold reviews as evidence in the same breath we’re sold the products. Same scam, different shelf.
Absolutely, its important to remember they why of it all. And for the beauty industry the why is their bottom line.
There is so much excellence in this piece that I don't know where to begin or what to highlight. Damn.
Thank you Evelyn. I loved every word but the beginning where you list what you like about being a woman is wonderful and I feel the same.
You are very wise for your young years. Please keep shouting this message from the rooftops and I can't wait for you to write about your foray into botox!
Thank you so much! I feel that it’s important to celebrate the good stuff, especially when we wade into the battle of unequal bs. I will - one of my favourite things about being a woman is speaking frankly about my experience. I will be sharing shortly :)
This is gold, E. Thank you for shining a light on Girl Tax and for saying that it’s actually bullshit. I’ve never been a proper “lady” I don’t do my eye brows or lashes, and I cut my own hair. I do wear eyeshadow and blush, but not because I feel hideous w/o!
Plz return with your Botox thoughts, and all your thoughts. We love em & need em.
Hahaha, I’m so glad to hear it! I also love blush, and decided to whip out the mint green eyeshadow today just for variety. Sometimes I like to use bright colours in the way some animals do to signal that I’m potentially venomous haha. And girl tax is bs! Down with girl tax! I will be sharing shortly, but a little sneak peak - no bueno. Haha. Thank you for reading!
required reading for every thirteen year-old.
Thank you! Such high praise. I think I am always writing this stuff for the 13 year old me that needed it.
Evelyn, I love this (Kimberly Warner restacked - she’s the goddess of the perfect quote restack) and every word is brilliant. I gave up all my expensive makeups when covid arrived and no longer feel I must wash my hair every day - twice a week or maybe three times, and dry shampoo all the way (also would need prying from my cold dead hands!!) I am jealous of my best friend who is a year younger and has more grey hair than I do - and all my lovely wrinkles tell the stories of my life.
A huge shout out to Kimberly for that! It’s definitely important to find what works for you and stick to that. I also have fried 5 years younger than me who has fabulous grey hair and I’m so jealous! I definitely look forward to all the ways my face and body will change as I age.
Ka-BLAM!!!! 🔥🤩🔥 I love this piece so hard!!! Not just for the writing and the subject but especially for you!!! 🥰
I think this is one of the greatest rarely celebrated silver linings from my brain injuries and their subsequent destitution. I had to find a way to be this international traveling, stage performing monkey in an uber-femme, uber-glitz profession (belly dance), with almost no budget. That meant everything unnecessary had to go, and the word “necessary” had to change.
As I result…I stopped buying in even the little amount I had caved, out of pure, desperate—yup. Necessity. Then it became preference, for everrrry reason you listed here. I love this piece!!!!! Congrats on your freedom!
Thank you! I think it’s so important that we all interrogate that word necessity when it comes to this stuff - cause sometimes it just ain’t so. It’s a strange freedom, but I’m glad you found some piece with it. I was a child dancer and I remember the hair and the makeup and the body dysmorphia acutely, it’s really something else.
Ohhhh absolutely!!! My cousin grew up in the competition circuit, and that’s what she does for a living now—teach it. Her relationship to brand names, hair & makeup, show face 24-7, public image is very different from mine. I have never envied her all that constant pressure. So glad you escaped it!!! 🥰🥰🥰
You’re so smart and sassy! And you don’t need any products or poisons or potions to make you beautiful. You are innately and wholly beautiful — and you’re quite the looker too hehehe :)
You have to say that cause im paying you hehe. But in all seriousness thank you! You help give me the confidence to stop hiding behind the artifice.
You help me in the same way Chicken — and I don’t even wear makeup :)
This was fantastic. I read it twice, once to feel it out, and once to identify my favorite parts.
“We are sold insecurities and their cures in the same breath.”
What a line! It nails the economic imperative of it all: those ridiculous beauty standards fuel a booming industry. It makes too much sense, but it hasn’t always been to me.
Running errands with friends a few Christmases back, we visited Ulta, this makeup store, and it was like visiting the zoo for the first time. I kept asking questions, kept finding new curios, kept shoving my eyeballs back in when they popped out over the prices of items labeled essentials that I hadn’t known existed until I was 37. And this was a daily concern for the women I know best. Wild!
“So, if you feel good wearing the makeup and doing your hair and getting the treatments – then DO IT. I will happily fight for your right to do so. But, if you’re only doing it because you feel pressure to do so, because you fear you’ll fail the test if you don’t – then please, put down the fake tan and breathe easy knowing that you do not have to do it.”
Landing things here really sealed it up beautifully. I admire the effort and artistry it takes to do makeup. I know women who legitimately enjoy all the things you (justifiably!) loathe. But the objection you raise feels more focused on your obligation toward them—an obligation that doesn’t serve you. We all internalize so much from the SOCIETY and CULTURE around us that it’s hard sometimes to separate our desires from those imposed on us. I love that you took an intentional look at what you used, identified the shampoo, sunscreen, and haircut schedule that suit you, and pushed aside the rest.
I’m outside Woman World, but that reevaluation strikes me as a healthy and affordable cleanse every person can pursue without taking out a second mortgage for skin cream.
Again, fantastic stuff.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. And you nailed it. It’s absolutely about the obligation. I really don’t care what anyone does, and I continue to play the game in various ways, but I want people to be free to do so joyfully following their hearts desire and not the pressure of culture/society.
I took Michael into one of those stores once and he was also blown away. And it’s good to get that outside perspective, it really opens my eyes to all the world!
Thank you for being here, I appreciate you.
With another couple days to think about it, I continue to think about this. The inertia of HOW THINGS ARE is so strong; it’s so satisfying to read you pick apart why HOW THINGS ARE doesn’t hold up to scrutiny.
Can’t say it enough: this was great.
Thank you! I really appreciate it!